Cactus

You are my cactus. I want to take care of you and watch you grow. I want to love you and show you how I feel. I want to embrace you and absorb your ways. Yet, every time I get too close, you prick me and it hurts. Each lie burns deeper into my heart. It is like cracked glass when I try and kiss you. When I try to forgive you, I feel the thorns inside me.

The way they move and hurt my heart, the way they sting and kill my vibe. I try to hide. Then I drink the poison and the demon in me comes out. She wants to cut you down, but you are my cactus. I dare not let her. She wants to do the things you’ve done, but I dare not trust her. She wants to have revenge for feeling so stupid. For feeling so low, but I dare not let her. I dare not feed her.

You are my cactus. You give me strength and courage. You give me life and when I breathe in all I want is your air. All I want is you. I try so hard to pull out all the thorns. I try to imagine what it would be like if they were never put there to begin with. You are my cactus, and I can hug you lightly and admire you from afar. For my safety and yours.

Cactus, all I wanted was you. All I ever wanted and needed was you. I’ve tried other plants to give me the feeling I had with you, and nothing. I never meant “I love you” unless it was to you. I never let myself cry over them. I never wanted anything more in this world than my cactus to love me the way I love you. Sadly, I don’t think it is possible with all these thorns.

And time is cruel. Playing with my head and heart. Time is cruel making me weak. Cactus, there was a time when I pictured myself in the most beautiful white dress and now I picture it blacked out with dirt. Cactus, you killed me and expect me to still be alive.

Cactus, I need your help. You want me to be alive? You want to be with me? Please lower your thorns – Not by words – by love. Show me your heart, so mine can beat with it. Teach me the rhythm again…teach me to trust…

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